I saw this on the PlanetBattlefield.com forums. It is one of the funniest things I have seen in a while, and I wanted to make sure everyone saw it.
(SAQ)Arcand wrote it based on the GI-Jane speech in game:
Gamer, buggy code falls from the sky like broken birds
They do not want to spend money testing your system specs at their company, gamer.
They come to bomb your system.
Gamer, EA has abandoned you.
They have ordered you to be a beta tester
Do not trust them
It is a very good idea to leave a sinking ship.
They lie to you, gamer.
You know you cannot fix this game.
EA grows richer while you optimise your system, gamer.
They will give you a patch but only after you are dead.
EA lies to you every day, poor gamer.
You have lost this war, gamer.
EA will leave you behind.
EA marketing makes you buy this game, gamer.
They do not care about you.
Gamer, EA has betrayed you.
They will not return with a patch for you.
Gamer, the buggy code bombs your system.
You are not safe playing.
The game code is dangerous, gamer.
It will crash tonight.
The developers do not care that you are crashing, gamer.
You cannot use firewalls to hide behind, gamer.
Their buggy code will find you.