Skorchs Rant of the Week

When Atomm told me “Sure, feel free to post your rants on the website,” Im not sure he knew what he was doing. See I have all this pent up rage, and virtually no outlet for it. For years its been building and Ive reached the point where I can finally justify kicking the cat…… …however the wife would definatly cut off the “family jewels” and Ive become quite attached to them over the years. Watching porn after that wouldnt be the same. If it was a matter of a simple divorce, then sure why not. But she woudldnt divorce me, shed purposely prolong the misery out of spite.

So what to do?

Post on a website!!! Im sure this is the cure for what ails me. So for the first installement of Skorchs Rant of the Week, I want to talk about the internet and website forums.

They are absolutly the best thing that could have ever happened to the ignorant, redneck, hillbilly, mindless, irritating, trash of this country. The only hope that we the intelligent and smart people of this land had, was that they could be isolated in small groups, and scattered across the country. But the explosion of the damn internet is like Columbus finding the Americas.

See most Americans think that Columbus discovering this side of the world was the greatest thing ever. But what we dont know is that as soon the first colonial ship set sail from europe, everyone started doing backflips. There were gigantic parties and celebrations. I bet there is even a holiday celebrating the day that the Europeans found this gigantic trash heap that where they could dump their idiots. Before that, they had whole towns full of idiots and stupid people complaining about religous freedoms, and complaining that theres no money no food and taxes are to high. WAA WAA WAA!!!!

OMFG, nothing has frickin changed!!! Now Im saddled with having to listen to this rabble every day of my life. The only difference is that instead of religous freedoms, people are complaining about to much religion. That they have to look at a replica of the ten commandments when they go to the DMV to get their liscense renewed. Cry me a damn river. Instead of looking a piece of rock, just look the other direction and the bum sitting on a corner with the sign that says will work for food, right across the street from a McDonalds with a sign in the window saying Now Hiring. What a frickin turn of events. What hipocrits we are. I mean seriously, you think England is mad they lost the War of 1812, or the American Revolution. Hell No!!! I bet the Queen of England gets on her hands and knees every day of her life thanking God for that break in history.

And now all these idiots that spend millions of dollars on lawsuits to have the commandments moved from in front of the DMV have a place to voice their opinions and fuel their egos and ridiculous views of the world. And Im the one that pays the price for this unhappy turn of events. The internet just acts like a magnet. Now one idiot, can find all the other idiots in the world that think just like him. And then they can propagate their idiocy and spread it like a virus. And not only that, without having to move their fat asses from a chair, they can buy a plane ticket and go find the other idiots in their idiot club, and have an idiot convention in a Vegas hotel right next to a wedding chapel. Now the idiots can get married and spawn more idiots untill one day they will rise up and bury everyone in idiocy until we cant take it anymore and have to move to antartica and spoon with penguins and eat plankton just to survive.

So what fuels all this rage? Im a gamer, always have been, and always will be. My wife tried to change me in the beggining of our marriage, but shes given up now. And not only am I a gamer, but I like to educate myself. Take World of Warcraft for instance. I play the game, but I dont just “play” the game. I want to know all the ins and outs of the character I play. Whats in a dungeon, the maps. And I enjoy playing and discussing the game with people like me. And probably the biggest source of information about the game is on the forums on the world of warcraft website. And herein lies the problem. Its also the biggest source of stupid, uneducated, ignorant, and you guessed it idiots.

The amount of knowledge loacted in these forums is enormous. A varitable cornucopia of knowledge, spreading from sea to shining sea, and a damn landfill in between. A landfill radiating the stench of idiocy in every possible direction. In order to find one usefull piece of information I have to wade through 120 useless posts from idiots with nothing better to do than race to see who can be the first idiot to post. Here is a typical post in a WoW forum.

1st post
Topic:What is attack speed of the Uber Vorpal blade?
Post: I got this Vorpal blade from a dungeon, and I know that they attack speed is posted in the info bar of the weapon, but Im the spawn of two idiots and thought maybe it was different than posted.

2nd post from Idiot #1: Yay! first poster

3rd post Idiot #2: Yay! first poster

4th Post Idiot #2 again: Damn not the first poster. Oh well Second Poster!!!

5th Post Idiot #3: First Post—-edited by poster——damn got beat again!

The first post with any real meat to it is probably on the second page and to make any sense of this at all you need to shovel through all the idiocy somehow. Ive thought of inventing some sort of tool for this. One end would have a shovel head. It would have to be extra large. Not only would this end be for shoveling idiocy, you will need it to fight of the ever growing number of idiots in the world. The other end would have a rusty spoon. This is so you can gouge your eyes out when they capture you and force you to sit in front of a laptop all day and read their idiot forums.

Oh I could go on for days and days. But if youve gottent his far, then your probably searching for the rusty spoon right now. In case you were wondering I do feel better. I still have one thing left to do….

Now if I could just find the damn cat.

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